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haha starburst dragon haha also i make reviews of games because i have no other hobbies besides playing bad mobile games
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haha starburst dragon haha also i make reviews of games because i have no other hobbies besides playing bad mobile games
Game Comments (9) More

jk

Celestial Goddess

2.0

If this game isn't dead on arrival, it will be soon.

It's been a while since I covered shitty games. From hours playing other games I realized that I have been spoiled.

This game has live2d graphics. They are not well done, something that I could whip up in about 10 hours worth of work. The animations are nonexistant, I'll go over this in more detail in gameplay.

The storyline is not very interesting. You are a commander who somehow ended up with a bunch of ship girls to command. You go around and beat up other ship girls and make their life miserable.

For gameplay, the team building revolves around getting girl lieutenants. They are the gacha part of the game. The actual ships are composed of parts gained from researching them. You got to get resources (gold and these red stone things) to research them. The resources are gained through missions. Honestly, the team building is the only interesting part of the game, if you can stand the broken UI. They have spelling errors and just overall terrible aesthetics. It's getting close to those shitty mobile games you see on youtube advertisements. Absolutely no thought was put into proofreeding this game.

The missions are autoplay missions. There's literally a "skip" button if you want to just jump to the conclusion screen. Oh lord bless these poor developers. The mission starts with two static battalions facing each other, as time passes on they get closer while shooting each other with laser beams. Occasionally things blow up. That's it. The battles aren't even cool to look at, let alone play. Why bother code in the auto battle when you can just skip it all.

Overall, pretty bad. I made this review because the other one doesnt begin to describe how bad it is. It's not even a game anymore, it's just afk clash of clans. I know devs need to make money by making all these microtransactions, but they have to deliver a game first before monetizing it. Ridiculous.

Nazo Girl

5.0

In art history, there's this movement called Meta-Modernism. Meta-Modernism is a response to Post-Modernism, a genre of art that focuses on returning to the past. Meta-Modernism acknowledges that humans will seek to advance art, but eventually deevolves themselves back to simple lines and colors.

Why am I discussing this? Well, this game is the prime example of Meta-modernism, a living proof of human regression, a beautiful piece of degeneration and sloth. This game is so bad, that it's good. Overall, this game deserves that 5 stars, worthy to be compared to Da Vinci's Mona Lisa, Picasso's cubism, and it is beyond our mere mortal understanding. The devs have ascended to a new dimensions of enlightenment. We are unworthy, and does not deserve this masterpiece.

Let's start by examining the graphics. Such masterpiece! Our character is an anime version of Sherlock Holmes. Her midnight black hair complements with her leather brown suit, worthy for a master detective. Under her guise a school uniform, an indication of a young prodigy. Her intense violet eyes screams 'kininarimasu', a token to God's favorite anime: Hyouka.

The scenarios rises beyond mere understanding. We ignore questions like "why is there a schoolgirl playing detective around a corpse?" or "why hasn't the police quarantined the crime scene?" or "where the hell is the police?" Such questions are unnecessary as our private investigator is a God send, fallen from Heaven to help solve crimes for those mortal bystanders. She serves one purpose: to deliver swift justice to criminal scums in place of the victim's families. None shall question the authenticity of Sherlock-chan.

The gameplay has been superb; first, you read the question, then click on the answer in the picture. After that, you play a short minigame. Sometimes you have to play as a sniper and shoot the criminal holding some women hostage. I hate this one since I always miss. Other times, I play as a tank shooting another tank, I hate that one as well since I always miss. Once in a while, I fill out a short word puzzle. I always get those right since I understand English. One thing I don't understand is why they always ask me to install another game. I AM PLAYING AS WAIFU SHERLOCK-CHAN I DONT NEED ANY OTHER GAME BESIDES MY GODDESS OF JUSTICE. Overall, not bad of a game.

As to story, remember how I described this game as meta-modernism in flesh and blood? Who needs story and progression anyways. One Piece got away with that, K-on as well, and pretty much most Slice of Life anime doesn't have a plot line. Thus, plot is overrated. Why would we ever need plot and story to make a game good. If anything, why is a story necessary in order to make a game good? Sherlock-chan has showed us that a story doesn't necessarily drives the game. It's the intense mysteries that you solve along the way, and those mysteries really puts you on the edge. I often question if it's that awfully suspicious drug addict versus the high school quarterback that killed Roland. These life or death decisions makes my butt cheeks clutch.

Overall, this game is a blast. I am seriously in love with this game. I don't understand why people are not talking about this game. It got mystery, slice of life, yuri, otome, puzzle, suspense, drama, pretty much everything you want in a game. This rivals Fate in terms of cinematic universe. This beauty beats all waifus out there. I thank you God for putting me on this earth, just in time for me to enjoy this masterpiece. Amen.

Magatsu Wahrheit | Global

2.4

This game is one of the few games that I have my eyes on. I played both the JP server and now the Global server. The game itself is an interesting take of an MMO and deserves some recognition.

Like all my reviews, I don't really pay attention to graphics, sound, and storyline. This game is essentially a gacha game with an MMO mix. The graphics match closely to Xenoblade Chronicles, which is not bad for a phone game. I plead the fifth regarding sound and story. To me, both doesn't really matter due to being a gacha game. However, I do enjoy the cut scenes between missions.

For gameplay, this I have a few problems with. It's odd that the weapon and armor gacha is separate. I think this is a double edge sword as it offers players choice on what gacha to pull to fill their team, if you need weapons, you are guaranteed weapons on one gacha. However, it's kind of annoying to have to pull in 2 separate banners to boost a character. It is what it is I guess.

In character building, it's very similar to SinoAlice. Actually it's exactly like SinoAlice. You have weapons, armor, and jewelry to equip to your character. I only had 1 SSR weapons as gunner and 2 SSR armor. Needless to say, I had no damage. It's sad to see my maxed out gun do only 10% damage to the enemies, and that is at the recommended level range.

The missions are very MMO like. If you enjoy the flow of "going to one location, murder everything in a Xenoblade Chronicles like way without the fun of movement, move to another location, do the same", then you have found the greatest game on earth. Personally, I do enjoy RPG, but the repetition is really boring me. Walking through similar hallways every mission for nine missions is not good gameplay. The enemies are tanky as hell, which makes sense as you should contribute 25-40% of the damage if you are dps. However, in the storyline you can only bring 1 other friend character, which slows down the missions to a crawl. Also, there is no auto clear. If I am playing this game and thinking to myself why is there no auto clear, the game stops being fun there and starts to be tiresome. A fun game is where players should feel like they're having fun playing it, not wondering if there's auto clear so that the gameplay loop can end. Something's off about the balancing. I am pretty sure it's either I'm not a hardcore gamer or the game is seriously unbalanced. Keep in mind that I enjoy hoard smashing games. If you are looking for a slow game, this may be your cup of tea.

The weapons, as far as I can see with 50 pulls, are boring. Every weapon has abilities like "deal 100% of damage" or "deal x% aoe damage", "heal x to ally and give x buff". This makes sense in an MMO setting, but every weapon feels the same. It's disappointing that some weapons have cool names but do nothing special. I wish that the weapons have some sort of flavor to them, or some different animation, that sets them apart from one another.

I find the leveling system really cool. There's a player level, and also a class level. There's also a skill tree system. Class doesn't matter at all since you can unlock all of them right after the tutorial. Also, some of your skills in a class is locked behind by other classes, which means you have to play 3 classes in order to fully unlock a skill tree. Like all other gacha game, skill trees require resources, which means you have to grind dungeons, which means you have to walk through those same hallways for however many battles straight just to farm enough material to unlock your tree. Good Lord the developers did not make this game auto friendly.

Overall, solid idea of a game, poor excecution. I personally did not enjoy this game because of how repetitive it is and how boring the scenery and controls are. If you enjoy any or all of these aspects, you found yourself a solid game.

Also, developers are pretty generous with gacha pulls. I hmope you can high roll lots of SSR weapons and enjoy it more than I do.

Zold:out | Japanese

3.5

Edit: warning to the future 3 others who somehow managed to made it here. As of 12/17/2020, I have problems logging into the game. This is probably fixed, I hope. VPN may be necessary.


Whenever we think of strategy games, we think of the fire emblem series. Personally, I am a fan of strategy games, so when I saw this game, I had to try it.

tldr (for those who are not American, it means "too long, didn't read the entire thing"): Graphics nice for its current era of mobile games, sound is good but little to no voice acting, gameplay is a mix of deckbuilding and fire emblem strategizing. No comment on storyline as I can't read Japanese. Overall a game with potentials.

Rerolling tips: your first 20 rolls should aim for a sword or mage unit, after that put 20 rolls on weapons, the rest do what you want depending on your team lineup. DONT START WITH ARCHER OR CLERIC as the cleric on banner (10/27 as of this writing) only focuses on healing. Archer serves as a better job at throwing allienments and board manipulation. Also, most enemies are succeptable to magic damage.

Graphics: it's as good as Alchemist's Code (if that game is still alive). No comment.

Sound and Storyline: sound is good, however no voice acting throughout the story, which means I cant understand shit. I'll reserve these aspects for people who speaks more Japanese than just 気になる.

Gameplay: This is where most of the review lies. In summary, the game is a team building game where you choose between four classes; swordman, mage, cleric, and archer, and construct a deck of weapon cards suitable of clearing missions. The missions are "eliminate all enemies" missions. There is no AUTO, which means you have to control all four of your units and clear it using your own wit.

For characters, you would think to choose high rarity units and maul through all the enemies with damage. However, this game is structured toward building a balanced team. This means you have to have some kind of dps (or dpt in this case for "damage per turn"), plus some sort of tank, plus some sort of healer. The last slot is usually a fill/secondary dps. I will make this clear that this game requires some sort of heal. Even if you have all 4 high rarity damage units, if you have no sustain, the enemies will take your down with plain numbers and damage. DPS is very weak to damage unless they are 30 levels higher than intended. Yes, that means you will have to use your lower rarity units early game. Yes, every unit matters, as some offers exclusive auras and buffs to nearby teammates. I have no clue whether a 1 star unit has the same amount of stats value as a 3 star unit. I am currently leveling the starter mage and a cleric just to compare. If I had to guess, they will probably have the same amount of stats. Veteran feel free to add on in the comments below.

For weapons, weapons are all obtainable through normal/hard/nightmare missions. This does not mean it's easy since there's only 10 auto clears provided every day. It's a huge grind. Early game, I decided to pull 20 times on gacha for weapons, and it offered a significant boost to dps. Weapon gacha provides guaranteed perfect quality, which provides a huge boost in damage. Weapons are really important in this game, as they offer a lot more plays than normal. Archers can pull enemies toward themselves or push away. Clerics can boost your movement points, which accelerates your turn. Swordman have weapons that allow them to dash toward a target. Mages have powerful aoe effects that turns the tide of battle, if it even activates (hint: this is where your cleric boost your mage's movement speed). There are a lot more to cover but I think this is enough. The rest is for you all to discover.

Now for the flow of gameplay itself. Each mission, you start by setting up a formation. After that, mission starts. Each character gets their own turn, you do not move all characters like Fire Emblem. Using your Movement Points (which I will refer as MP from here on), you can either move your unit, or attack with them by playing one of your weapons cards that correlates with the class of your unit. For example, if you are moving a cleric, you can only attack by playing a book, you cannot use a sword as a cleric (for obvious reasons, but it would be funny to see a nun swinging a giant cleaver). Range matters here for flavor's sake. After all, you can't swing a dagger across the map and hit someone in a normal RPG, this is no exception. However, there are weapons that have different range, which spices up your deck building. MPs are consumed in each action and the turn ends when you exhausted all MP, or if you decides to end turn. Turn order is decided by however much MP each unit, including enemies, has when all units resolve their turn (if you still don't understand, play the game and it provides an bonus advanced tutorial located at the missions menu, which I highly recommand). This movement system is not something new, as we have seen in many games. The execution, however, is simple and effective. I love how easy it is to understand, but using it to your advantage is difficult. This offers some insane plays like mages blowing their load twice in one turn (look out Megumin you got a contender), swordman dashing all over the place, and archers throwing enemies into poison clouds or falling rocks.

Overall, if you enjoy strategy games, give this a try. The game is grindy, but by the time you are stuck, you'll probably want to spend your auto clear tickets on exp or gold anyways. Making things grindy is a strategy employed by many games to make money, so I don't fault the developers here. I think this is a good game, give it a try and at least try to get to rank 15. It takes me a week to climb to 15 with modest amount of playing, at this point I am just grinding to 4 star my 3 star units, which I am lucky enough to have 4 (3 from gacha, total of 70 pulls, and 1 from login). Again, veterans of the game, feel free to add on, and new players feel free to ask questions. QooApp forces me to get notifications anyways, might as well answer some of the questions posed.


12/17/2020 edit: the first major update, chapter 7, is unfortunately a huge flop for me. 10 ten-pulls (~11k gems) and 0 banner character. Chapter 7's final boss is impossible to 3 star with current character lineup. One of the boss characters literally counterattack you for EACH attack you make on them. The fight is just straight up unfair even for whales. I guess this is endgame for veterans.

Here we go, another gacha game that hops on the bandwagon of "amazing unity + Live2D made waifu gacha action fighting game with a slice of yuri for sex deprived weebs". I'm kidding about the last part, we just want games to play on our off times. Although, the game is not exactly "out of this world" like HI3, it has a long way to go before it reaches HI3 level.

Gameplay: it's a typical HI3 mashed with a bit of "Slay the Spire". The missions consist of you, controlling some character and smashing the hell out of whatever stand your way. What makes this different from HI3 is that you occasionally run into relics with extra buffs, ranging from "your attacks against full health enemies are criticals", "+X amount to some Y stat", and "+% of damage is leeched as HP". Some of the buffs are hard to explain in this review, which involves looking into different mechanics (which I'll have to translate to English so screw that). At the end, the buffs serves as nothing special, they are more quality of life if anything. In my opinion, if you enjoy horde smashing, give this game a go. If you're looking a HI3 challenger, this ain't it.


Character: The first character you get is this lolita who is a copy of Kurumi. One of her abilities is literally "spin to win" Garen style, and her ultimate involves slamming her large scythe on the ground. Oh, she can also dash, which is one of her two abilities. I am disappointed to see dash being a skill, I don't think the developers even bother coming up with cool skills. You know something is off when Kurumi and Thor (I think it's Thor since God of Lightning?) both have a dash skill, but Thor has 3 more stored charges than Kurumi. Why does the God of Lightning have a dash skill? Can't you give her a skill like "summon a cloud that strikes lightning around an area"? Why would Thor need a dash skill when she' s a backrow mage? In terms of personality, the characters falls short with monotone character traits and no substance outside their art. That is expected since it's a gacha game, I don't fault the developers for that. But it certainly isn't godly written like Re:Zero style. Overall, fair characters for a gacha game.

Graphics: standard unity based game, I think that's a fair description. Moving on.

Storyline: I can't say much since my Chinese is as good at a standard third grader. However, the plot definitely sounds like a standard isekai with a bit of NTR mixed into it (you take control an involuntary loli in the first mission and beat shit up). Overall, just like any other gacha game, story is typical.

Value: just f2p man why would u spend money on this

Overall, my criticism may be harsh, but I do genuinely enjoy horde smashing games. Long story short, this game has been fun althought with many flaws. I wish the relics you collect in missions (you know, the one thing that's supposed to make this game innovative) have a bigger and more random effect, but it' s a good start to a roguelike action horde smash game.

edit: as unsurprising as this sounds, Lookout, a antivirus app preinstalled on my phone, says this game is malware. I have since uninstalled it, but take my actions with a grain of salt. Antivirus apps tend to be wrong, but since this is the first time Lookout keeps informing me about a game being malware. I am going to play it safe.

Matches - ASMR

2.0

Well, if you ever decided to go on the app store and wanted some match lighting ASMR, here you go. This game is the epiphany of match lighting, where you have to find the start of the rude goldberg match machine, and sit back as you enjoy the harmony of matches envelop in flame, much like people in hell.

At least, that's the goal. In reality, there are 25 levels, but then the levels repeat after 26. Any replayability is out of the window after 15 minutes.

The sound is terrible. It sounds like sandpaper rubbing onto each other. Like that one scene in Gintama where the characters decided to use sandpaper to wipe their innocent butt cheeks. You would think the developers would light an actual match and use that sound. Has the developers ever heard the sound of match lighting and burning? Like seriously?

Another thing is, why do we have this gold currency? The game has no main menu, the only button we have is the restart button. So I am clueless as to what the point of currency. Maybe the developers will put in some cosmetics or something. Perhaps it exists already and locked behind level 70+ or something. I have no idea since the game doesn't even tell you.

The only redeeming part about this is the graphics. It's cartoony, which I like. However, it's no state of the art deal.

Overall, great idea, terrible execution. Can't wait to listen to more sandpaper rubbing each other.

. j

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